My Vacation Rules

1. No Facebook, except when uploading photos. Even then, one has to contemplate On Photography while watching the upload bar.
2. When not doing anything, read a book. One may do chapter summaries if absolutely necessary. 
3. No creamy salad dressings, even when labelled organic. 
4. It's OK not to miss home. Not missing home is a grown-up disposition.
5. It's OK to eat Chinese food in Melbourne, but only with a critical attitude towards immigration policy.
6. It's Not OK to buy koala and kangaroo themed items, unless purchased for kitsch tastes.
7. Do not make comments about the retardedness of something or other, except in the company of people with a similar sense of humour.
8. Do not attempt do watercolour painting while on Cradle Mountain. One cannot paint in watercolours, and to do so will only result in frustration and self-doubt.
9. Be nice to the children on board the plane, and only burn effigies of them in the privacy of the lavatory. (If naked flames are prohibited, the pressure-activated flush is violent enough.)
10. It's OK to get fat on holiday, as long as fatness is not induced by McDonald's, Hungry Jack's Wendy's, frozen dinners, airline pudding, etc.