I'm coughing really really badly and I'm preparing myself mentally for the prognosis of TB which will leave me missing out on SYF and lying on a hospital bed dimly in the twilight alone, save for the ominous green glow emanating from the screen of the life-support machine.
Anyway I coughed out tiny globs of blood though maybe they're really just the skins of the plum I ate after dinner. And I feel faint and my chest hurts. But I'm not running a fever which means I'm probably not infected... yet.
I guess this period of stress and illness and disease has really stirred up the hypochondriac in me.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
hi
KI, KI, KI.
I'd sooner die.
Green fungi
pressed down neath blue blue sky,
you tell me why
while my eyes
are still dry.
Oh fly. Oh high. Oh deep-fry. Oh food dye. Oh Mordecai. Oh my.
la la la I might live through this week but emerge without my sanity~
I'd sooner die.
Green fungi
pressed down neath blue blue sky,
you tell me why
while my eyes
are still dry.
Oh fly. Oh high. Oh deep-fry. Oh food dye. Oh Mordecai. Oh my.
la la la I might live through this week but emerge without my sanity~
Thursday, April 23, 2009
and argh it's suddenly 10 PM!
If anything, today was a day of academic platitude — my assignments came back with comments like "marred by the lack of analytical focus" and "started off on the wrong footing and waddled all the way through". Things that I usually get a "gd" for begot mere insubstantial and perfunctory "OK"s, and I could not help but feel the disappointment radiating from the red ink, along with the niggling sense at the back of my mind that my name was slowly carving a niche out for itself in the grey stone tablet of Mediocrity.
To be fair, I did do relatively (and that's a BIG "relatively") well for the int'l history essay assignment and my tutorial had one big red fat smiley face with a line for a nose scrawled alongside emphatically underscored words with strokes that shook with the mild and controlled exuberance of a possibly rewarding teaching experience in the near future. However, this was not to be.
In a tragic turn of events, I tumbled into Math tutorial/test today missing a pad of foolscap, forgetting to bring my completed tutorials to hand in, and fighting against the breeze that NEVER comes at the right times (i.e. during actual lessons when we are slowly being steamed within). And when I started doing the test, I blanked out in frustration and ended up attempting the thing from the last question to the front.
So right now I'm trying to think of different and original ways to answer the question, which will sound like "what happened??", when I receive the test next week. Help!
To be fair, I did do relatively (and that's a BIG "relatively") well for the int'l history essay assignment and my tutorial had one big red fat smiley face with a line for a nose scrawled alongside emphatically underscored words with strokes that shook with the mild and controlled exuberance of a possibly rewarding teaching experience in the near future. However, this was not to be.
In a tragic turn of events, I tumbled into Math tutorial/test today missing a pad of foolscap, forgetting to bring my completed tutorials to hand in, and fighting against the breeze that NEVER comes at the right times (i.e. during actual lessons when we are slowly being steamed within). And when I started doing the test, I blanked out in frustration and ended up attempting the thing from the last question to the front.
So right now I'm trying to think of different and original ways to answer the question, which will sound like "what happened??", when I receive the test next week. Help!
Monday, April 20, 2009
chaos, melodrama and tea biscuits
I missed the last two-thirds of school today because I was sick. (Or as Jamie would put it, sick of school. Which is so true, and it surprises me that there hasn't occurred any tragic case of severe backlash/violence yet from years in our oppressive learning environment.)
I reached home and decided that I really like my living room in its charming disarray and laid-back vibe.
And for a good and solid 6 hours, I briefly forgot my roles in society while having buttered white bread and strawberry jam (from the breakfasts of childhood) for lunch, which was then followed by a nice nap far away from my handphone in the sultriness of the afternoon.
In the evening, I watched the malignancy of purple shadows washing away the orange on the ceiling, and wondered for a second that should the light detach itself from the penumbra of a dying day to drip down on me, I could live in this moment forever and feel at peace with everything else.
I reached home and decided that I really like my living room in its charming disarray and laid-back vibe.
And for a good and solid 6 hours, I briefly forgot my roles in society while having buttered white bread and strawberry jam (from the breakfasts of childhood) for lunch, which was then followed by a nice nap far away from my handphone in the sultriness of the afternoon.
In the evening, I watched the malignancy of purple shadows washing away the orange on the ceiling, and wondered for a second that should the light detach itself from the penumbra of a dying day to drip down on me, I could live in this moment forever and feel at peace with everything else.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Hi friends it's me againnnn!
I've got many things to be thankful for :) For example, everyone who had made me smile during the past few days (yes, including the Most Auntyish Auntie in the Republic of Singapore whom I met at Bedok South today sauntering out of the market with her red plastic bags and jade accessories going "aiyoh" with every step she took in those rubber blue slip-ons.)
1) Xinmin choir managed to sustain their gold award for 3 SYFs running now! My juniors have earned themselves a gold, and although it's not the GWH that some might have been yearning for, I still think they've done a brilliant job and am very proud of them!
2) I actually got a response from the scholarships department and the slot for my scholarship interview is next Tuesday! Am thrilled. Am super nervous.
3) I'm emceeing for college day in May!
4) Went to Waraku for Esther's birthday! Came out heavier and horrified.
5) SYF's in 19 DAYS!!!!!!!! NINETEEN. DAYS. :O
I've got many things to be thankful for :) For example, everyone who had made me smile during the past few days (yes, including the Most Auntyish Auntie in the Republic of Singapore whom I met at Bedok South today sauntering out of the market with her red plastic bags and jade accessories going "aiyoh" with every step she took in those rubber blue slip-ons.)
1) Xinmin choir managed to sustain their gold award for 3 SYFs running now! My juniors have earned themselves a gold, and although it's not the GWH that some might have been yearning for, I still think they've done a brilliant job and am very proud of them!
2) I actually got a response from the scholarships department and the slot for my scholarship interview is next Tuesday! Am thrilled. Am super nervous.
3) I'm emceeing for college day in May!
4) Went to Waraku for Esther's birthday! Came out heavier and horrified.
5) SYF's in 19 DAYS!!!!!!!! NINETEEN. DAYS. :O
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Oh no, there's a history lecture test on tuesday.
Oh no, I was out the entire day today.
Oh no, I have a bad feeling about the results of the emceeing audition.
Oh no, there are too many out-of-school things to deal with.
Oh no, I hate the current status quo. In my emotionally and mentally unstable state, I'm afraid there are only two options:
a. transfer out
b. kill myself
Anyway thanks if you have been praying and thinking for me, sometimes I don't even realise how much I should be valuing them. I really need to apologize for being shallow at times and maybe this is one of those times when you're reading and rolling your eyes around the room because I am so young and so impertinent.
OK maybe this is all just part of a passage to a clearer, and saner, finality, and all I can do is post blog updates about it.
Post post post. Blog blog blog. Oh look I left my belt on the scanner. I have a scanner. Scan. Ha-ha. It's 1.22. Kissed the macaron workshop tomorrow goodbye, they never liked me anyway. Am listening to a song about passion fruit, maybe it's a symbol for something, shall wonder about it later. Insomnia. Crud.
Oh no, I was out the entire day today.
Oh no, I have a bad feeling about the results of the emceeing audition.
Oh no, there are too many out-of-school things to deal with.
Oh no, I hate the current status quo. In my emotionally and mentally unstable state, I'm afraid there are only two options:
a. transfer out
b. kill myself
Anyway thanks if you have been praying and thinking for me, sometimes I don't even realise how much I should be valuing them. I really need to apologize for being shallow at times and maybe this is one of those times when you're reading and rolling your eyes around the room because I am so young and so impertinent.
OK maybe this is all just part of a passage to a clearer, and saner, finality, and all I can do is post blog updates about it.
Post post post. Blog blog blog. Oh look I left my belt on the scanner. I have a scanner. Scan. Ha-ha. It's 1.22. Kissed the macaron workshop tomorrow goodbye, they never liked me anyway. Am listening to a song about passion fruit, maybe it's a symbol for something, shall wonder about it later. Insomnia. Crud.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
cutesy gollum hides in my KI file
If my life was a movie, this would be the scene when the director decides to film everything on a handycam to capture the chaos and turmoil with added realism and grit. If it happened to be a movie set in an ideal world where poetic justice is executed and life returns to normal before the credits start rolling in, my deux ex machina plot device would come into play now to whisk me away from the never-ending series of frights that is my JC education.
And if you were wondering, I only get this frustrated when I reach home because it is the constant in my life that I would very much rather have in my life than feelings of perpetual inadequacy under mushroom-like structures, to rehash my depressing lit lesson on Wide Sargasso Sea.
I had planned to return to XM on Wednesday to observe my juniors during choir practice tomorrow, but of course plans would crash down upon themselves as they always have been doing lately. I suppose it's the weight of expectations that pile up beyond carrying capacity. Very suddenly, there was choir practice for me on that same day and I'm totally ambivalent about it. I know SYF is coming really soon and I'm confused by the apparent zen-like calm that everyone seems to have, and I want, WANT, that feeling of euphoria after getting GWH for SYF (with effects that include the afterglow that still radiates from my jubilant sister), but I have to admit that I'm seriously jaded by the lack of prior notice and the concessions and compromises that we have to make all the time, and it sucks to realise that this is how everything in life is run and that everyone just accepts it like it's the only way to go.
It's all horrid; maybe I should have "listened to my heart" and taken "the road less traveled" and emerge, radiant, into my new life as an Estonian cat-sitting part-time pastry chef and food blogger with a Welsh Corgi that I will call Clover, traveling the world to uncover the secrets of my half-Peruvian family heritage with my feisty middle-aged aunt who has escaped the natives in Borneo and lionesses in the Serengeti but has now taken residence in a shophouse selling specialty Georgian-era wigs.
And if you were wondering, I only get this frustrated when I reach home because it is the constant in my life that I would very much rather have in my life than feelings of perpetual inadequacy under mushroom-like structures, to rehash my depressing lit lesson on Wide Sargasso Sea.
I had planned to return to XM on Wednesday to observe my juniors during choir practice tomorrow, but of course plans would crash down upon themselves as they always have been doing lately. I suppose it's the weight of expectations that pile up beyond carrying capacity. Very suddenly, there was choir practice for me on that same day and I'm totally ambivalent about it. I know SYF is coming really soon and I'm confused by the apparent zen-like calm that everyone seems to have, and I want, WANT, that feeling of euphoria after getting GWH for SYF (with effects that include the afterglow that still radiates from my jubilant sister), but I have to admit that I'm seriously jaded by the lack of prior notice and the concessions and compromises that we have to make all the time, and it sucks to realise that this is how everything in life is run and that everyone just accepts it like it's the only way to go.
It's all horrid; maybe I should have "listened to my heart" and taken "the road less traveled" and emerge, radiant, into my new life as an Estonian cat-sitting part-time pastry chef and food blogger with a Welsh Corgi that I will call Clover, traveling the world to uncover the secrets of my half-Peruvian family heritage with my feisty middle-aged aunt who has escaped the natives in Borneo and lionesses in the Serengeti but has now taken residence in a shophouse selling specialty Georgian-era wigs.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
I've got a guilty secret to confess...
I get goosebumps when I sing Os Justi. Listen to the recording above and imagine how badly I came down with the case of the shivers while listening to it. *wails helplessly* So beautiful.
And congratulations to Xinmin Symphonic Band on their Gold with Honours!!! (And I'm SUPER DUPER UBER HYPER PROUD of Esther for being the piccoloist too!) *sniff* *tear* They really really really deserve it, after the insane and controversial amount of time and energy pumped into their practices. I can't wait for their concert at the esplanade!! Also, I really hope choir will be able to maintain their gold, now that all the pressure's on them.
OK, I shall declare today aesthetics day and shun everything that is non-beautiful now.
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