cutesy gollum hides in my KI file

If my life was a movie, this would be the scene when the director decides to film everything on a handycam to capture the chaos and turmoil with added realism and grit. If it happened to be a movie set in an ideal world where poetic justice is executed and life returns to normal before the credits start rolling in, my deux ex machina plot device would come into play now to whisk me away from the never-ending series of frights that is my JC education.

And if you were wondering, I only get this frustrated when I reach home because it is the constant in my life that I would very much rather have in my life than feelings of perpetual inadequacy under mushroom-like structures, to rehash my depressing lit lesson on Wide Sargasso Sea.

I had planned to return to XM on Wednesday to observe my juniors during choir practice tomorrow, but of course plans would crash down upon themselves as they always have been doing lately. I suppose it's the weight of expectations that pile up beyond carrying capacity. Very suddenly, there was choir practice for me on that same day and I'm totally ambivalent about it. I know SYF is coming really soon and I'm confused by the apparent zen-like calm that everyone seems to have, and I want, WANT, that feeling of euphoria after getting GWH for SYF (with effects that include the afterglow that still radiates from my jubilant sister), but I have to admit that I'm seriously jaded by the lack of prior notice and the concessions and compromises that we have to make all the time, and it sucks to realise that this is how everything in life is run and that everyone just accepts it like it's the only way to go.

It's all horrid; maybe I should have "listened to my heart" and taken "the road less traveled" and emerge, radiant, into my new life as an Estonian cat-sitting part-time pastry chef and food blogger with a Welsh Corgi that I will call Clover, traveling the world to uncover the secrets of my half-Peruvian family heritage with my feisty middle-aged aunt who has escaped the natives in Borneo and lionesses in the Serengeti but has now taken residence in a shophouse selling specialty Georgian-era wigs.