unglee

Quite possibly because I've been spending all my waking hours in school or stuck in limbo between School and Home, I'm starting to lose my sense of self. Which is funny when you wail about it to other people, but not that hilarious anymore once you try grasping all that's been happening but failing to see yourself in the midst of everything.

The thing with JC life is, it offers you horizons of knowledge so vast and boundless that you become quite agoraphobic in the whole build up. Having no place to hide, we develop tough hides on our exterior to protect our fragile ignorance.

I think it's scary to know so much when there's no time to sort out your thoughts.

Often I hypothesize that in reality I have really died after a horrific accident, but am condemned to face an eternity of dull commutes around this crummy island. This is all a garish nightmare in a bad coma; my sense percepts are just the result of faulty neurons firing indiscriminately... this fear in itself is terrifying, and so on. Infinite regression. I'm so tired right now I want to meld into the chair and excuse myself from the tedium of existence for just a bit.

God I know you're listening to me, but everything's crazy at the moment and I want to find strength in you again. Strength, or at least the motivation to keep moving on. I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

You have taken the East from me; you have taken the West from me;
you have taken what is before me and what is behind me
you have taken the moon, you have taken the sun from me
and my fear is great that you have taken God from me!

(from Donal Og, tr. Lady Gregory)

OK. Tomorrow - PE, Econs, Long break and then KI. And in-between I'll look out for the Year 1s. Am tired, so tired. So. Tired. :( Recent popular interest in Glee is not helping.

where the wild things aren't

*clears cobwebs*
*coughs*

HI! Thought I'd never find you here. I've been absent from the interwebs for so long (a week feels like a thousand millennia at the rate information is being exchanged) that I'm trying to get used to the new Facebook layout and figuring out where Geocities went. (Hyperbole, guys!)

Anyway, the past few days have been normal. I fell ill with a throat infection which morphed into a cold, watched the Mango Dollies do their thing, borrowed valuable resources from library@esplanade (hip name yo), learnt a Chinese song and completed two lit texts in one night. I've just had chamomile tea and Lindt Mint Intense chocolate while reading about traveling in Rio de Janeiro, it's starting to rain outside, and I'm thankful that the only major grouse I have about life at the moment is that Where The Wild Things Are is not coming to Singapore (because commercial cinema is often run by thickheaded mercenaries, and GV can go wallow in the shame of all that is not beautiful - I will not deign to care).

Also, it would be severe understatement to say that I'm excited to be going to Poland and Russia in the coming months. Suddenly, there's a lot to look forward to, besides the A levels, and it makes one very motivated. (This is where you have to picture me nodding sagely.)

Can't wait to start on my IS-es, meet the choir com tomorrow, go running around Bedok and have Protected Time at Kino tomorrow! I have to utilize this explosion of enthusiasm and energy while it lasts!

I'm hopping onto the hipster bandwagon and deciding that Yes, I Kinda Like This Song But Primarily Because It's Cool To Like This Song.



Inside, I weep when I listen to St. Vincent. Only inside.

AND I'M GONNA BE A SCENESTER WANNABE AND CATCH HER GIG AT MOSAIC IN MARCH.

Gives me hope.

If this is an aesthetic experience for you, then our hearts are beating as one.

The holidays are fading back to Routine, but I am still struggling to freeze the passage of time and that is all I can desperately but furtively do. (On a yearly basis.)

I really, really enjoyed turning 18 :) I went out with friends (the festivities began as early as end-December) and yesterday, I watched Avatar in 3D with Christabel and Jeremy (after bumping into Val and Christine and Gracie) and then rushed over to Cafe Cappadocia for dinner with my family. And, my parents took me to Udders for ice cream and hot chocolate after that. Today, we had a triple birthday celebration after choir practice.

I feel so spoilt and wonderfully fortunate at the same time.

Thank you everyone! :)

dear gorby

It seems like I've gotten Awkward Birthday Melancholy a little worse than usual this year.

And because this is one of those rare super public blogs made to celebrate the human condition (no, really?), I'm currently in the mood for a near-death experience to shake me alive from despondency. Yes, I am despondent even though I mock the emotional state of despondency because it reeks of being sensitive and vulnerable. Whatever.

It's just that there's a lot going on right now and I don't know whose soul I should cry into and it sucks to have everything piling up and interweaving themselves into a stupid banner of grief because the here and now is filled with constant disappointment and and the future is already sated with the certainty of regret.

But because this is life as we know it and somehow God sees us through everything even though my mind is fogged up with concerns that will die as the years pass by, I say I'm going to enjoy tomorrow and dammit, nothing's gonna stop me. I'm hanging out with Bel and Jem at the library and then eat at a Turkish restaurant with my family so this should be an exciting day :)