stage-dive

So tired. But things are starting to look up (albeit a *teensy* bit, but it's better than stagnation). 26 days left to the big day!

I really want to go to NYC this June. I've been aching to step into MoMA, visit Bloomingdale's, check out Columbia and NYU, have a picnic in Central Park and endure the Plane Ride Of My Life, and suddenly this all becomes available to me, and I'm dying to go on this trip that it's almost having a numbing effect on me, like this is a dream and I'll wake up after finding myself in an airport the size of my primary school, carrying a Jurassic Park backpack with wheels and unable wipe ketchup off my passport. If I do go on this trip, I'm going to have religious experiences all over the place - already I couldn't contain the tide of Overwhelming that gushed out from the shinkansen as I stepped into Tokyo - and my spontaneous breakdowns will surely make me the most annoying 18-year-old in the state. I'll cry when I see the UN headquarters, kiss the grounds of Columbia U (origin of the East Coast Beats e.g. Ginsberg) and bring myself to a state of hysterical rapture in the middle of the Guggenheim.

I just want to buy into this mythologizing of NYC's allure. It's like a fairy tale.