Wednesday, September 05, 2012

how to say




iam enim hiemps transiit imber abiit et recessit
For winter is now past, the rain is over and gone.


DUE NORTH was an amazing experience: I realize this statement conceals more than it reveals. I am still haunted by the Tagore poem, the line in Both Sides Now ("Tears and fears and feeling proud/To say 'I love you' right out loud"), the dissonant, luminescent tintinnabuli in Magnificat, brilliant and different polychoralities, etc. etc. The programme was rigorous and challenging, lustrous because diverse.

And now the hours seem to melt into each other because I am quite drugged and ill and dreaming of the invalid lifestyle, being attended to by concerned nurses and fed shotglasses of gin, while in fevered states writing, quite brilliantly and madly, heartbreaking things that are particular and also universal — not. I'm just drugged and ill, and my mind is mostly a fog that is starting to lift.
I am in very, very terrible shape.

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