Hmmm
After look through my blog for like, the 35th time, i've realized everything i write sounds childish, shallow and immature. How sad.
So I promised myself today that I will blog about my inner battles with raging emotions (ergo: insatiable frustrating anger at having nothing and wanting everything), my views on social frivolities (ergo: talking non-stop, laughing at stock jokes) and the amazing miraculous ability of mine to tolerate such unimportant noise and sounds.
I attended as nice happy social function today. Actually it was a... wedding! So here is a sequence of events:
1) Complain to my sister that my hair is not stylable at all.
2) Tried styling hair for anout an hour.
3) Gives up; hair remains the same as before.
4) Arrives at wedding, realizes to one's horror that one has totaly forgotten to apply at least some fragrance and wear watch to complement style, and looks very under-dressed.
5) Looks around some more and notices that everyones hair is slick, trendy and stylish and therefore they are stylish; one is unstylish due to lack of hair management.
6) Wedding ceremony. Rating: ∞ out of 10 – couple is happy and both have relatively cool parents. =D
7) Refreshments. Sister and I walk around pretending to be busy, thus avoiding conversation with people that usually ask the same questions and try to sound funny.
Me: *replying an sms*
Man that i happen to know: Wah! Playing handphone games ar?
Me: No I'm not
Man that I happen to know: *doesn't appear to have heard* Oh? Esther doesn't have? Let her play la!
Esther: *appears to be thinking: oh you just HAVE to poke and prod into my bitter insecurities?* *expression: -_-*
Me: I'm SMS-ing!
Man that i happen to know: huh? sms-ing girlfriend ar? Well done! (or something like that)
Me: *appears to be shouting: OHSHUDDUPSHUDDUPSHUDDUPYOU'REMAKINGMELONGTOTHROWMYPLATEOFBEEHOONANDBEEFSLICESINTOYOURFACEJUSTTOWIPEOFFTHATSATISFIEDSMIRKFROMYOURFACE*
All this goes on while Sister eavesdrops on womens' conversation. ('Oh! So his birthday is on blah-and-blah', 'oh come here come here she needs some help', 'wow i like your dress! so elegant, ar?' etc. etc.')
Of course I have to have a mindset that since this was a wedding and everything is supposed to be happy, everyone should be engaged such frivolities as a form of celebration of the sacredness and sanctity of marriage and a promise that two lovers make in front of God and to proclaim his love and holiness etc. in the form of marriage.
yeah
and anyway I have noticed that everyone loves a relative from a school like RI ('Oh, he's in RI *beams*') or RGS ('yeah I'm in RGS *beams*) or Chinese High ('Oh all my sons studied in Chinese High *beams*) or wadeva. But mention something like this...
Kid: Oh..I'm studying at x*nm*n =D
Adult prying into kid's life like unstitching a rag doll and inspecting the density of the wool, finding out the gravitational pull the doll exerts etc. etc. : Oh... x*nm*n... that's the one at hougang right?
Kid: yes
Adult prying into kid's life like unstitching a rag doll and inspecting the density of the wool, finding out the gravitational pull the doll exerts etc. etc. : ohh... *disappointed* Don't give up! You can try harder in the O levels! blahblahcrapoutsomeinspirationalquoteblahblahblah !
Kid: *Thinks: this guy is strange?*
So, unfortunately, we have to face being labelled as students in a neighbourhood school that just so happens to overachieve alot.
Another major thing I've decided this week.
Once I graduate from secondary school, like my senior Elizabeth, I'm gonna apply for admission into the LaSalle-SIA college of the arts. =D Why didn't i think of that earlier? I'm just afraid my dream will come crashing down when I see my rejection slip that *might* appear (because I'm a person that somehow attracts a negative and unfortunate series of events that will harm my self-esteem) and I start to hear nasty things about the college and when they give me a second chance, I will grudgingly accept but turn them down once I become too influenced by what I hear. But as usual, in the end, all turns out well and everyone is happy. IMHO, life kinda rocks in this aspect.
All of a sudden, the thought and reminiscence of rejection makes me weary of this world and the fickleness of my mind. Is the smoothest way indeed a path full of stones?
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