intentionally bad heartlander sitcom scene 1

EXT. ROW OF HDB KITCHEN WINDOWS - NOON - ESTABLISHING SHOT


A maid brings in the laundry.


INT. KITCHEN - NOON 


GRANDMOTHER, MOTHER and SON are in the kitchen cooking for Lunar New Year. 


GRANDMOTHER
(very slowly)
You must wash these shells with... uh... 
(beat)


Grandmother opens drawer with much effort, pokes at the back and removes a dusty glass jar with dubious cloudy suspension. Mother and Son recoil, disgusted.


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


GRANDMOTHER (CONT'D)
Just... a little bit of this. A little bit. 


Grandmother narrows eyes and gesticulates for emphasis.
(beat)
Must add just a little bit.


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


SON
Hurry up! I was in the middle of playing my computer games!


MOTHER
(ignoring) Do you have the right jar? What is this?


SON
Ya, why is it...
(beat)
grey? (makes a face)


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


GRANDMOTHER
This is, ah...


Mother and Son crane their necks forward in anticipation.


GRANDMOTHER (CONT'D)
Kee.


Mother and Son simultaneously exclaim "Kee?" with bewildered expressions.


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


GRANDMOTHER (CONT'D)
For kee zhang.


MOTHER
I see... kee...


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


SON
Kee zhang? What is kee zhang?


MOTHER
Oh... I don't know how to say it in English. 


Grandmother dips her finger into the jar. 


GRANDMOTHER
Yes, correct one.


Mother dips her finger into the jar as well.


MOTHER
It feels soapy!


Son seems to hesitate.
(beat)
SON
Ok fine, I'll try too.


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


SON
(amazed) It really does feel soapy!


In the b.g., Son walks to kitchen sink to wash finger. Before turning on the tap, Son has a taste, and immediately wrinkles up face.


SON
(to himself) Ew, gross!


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


MOTHER
(to Grandmother) Isn't this now banned here?


SFX: LAUGHTER of a live audience


SON
(overhears) What? That's terrible! That's disgusting! I'm going to my room! (storms off)(OFFSCREEN: "I wish I was ang moh!")


PENSIVE GUITAR AND ELECTRIC PIANO DUET


MOTHER
(sighs) Children these days. No respect for their culture and roots. In my time, we begged our parents to help out in the kitchen. But now? All they want is play play play. (shakes head, wipes the table) So Westernized. 


MONTAGE
1) Son as a toddler reading Baby's First Queen's English
2) Son as a toddler having a tea party with ginger-haired children
3) Son as thirteen year old with newly-dyed blonde hair


MOTHER (CONT'D)
Haiya, it makes me... Makes me so worried for the future! (breaks down)

SFX: COLLECTIVE SIGH of a live audience as they contemplate the homogenization of culture due to globalization and the proliferation of American pop culture, prompting nostalgic reminiscing of the past and a renewed desire to stay in touch with their heritage.


Grandmother looks down solemnly and wipes table.


FADE OUT