oh the things I would have given to be torched by orange flames that moment

and conversely, an abject desire to be impaled by hyponastic arrows.

Auditions today sucked big time and I can't say I'm too shocked or surprised to see whatever hopes I've had of traveling under an hour a day to school crumble before my puffy sleep-deprived eyes because it had taken me by surprise. Anyway I'm too tired to elaborate further right now, but I'm feeling like the biggest walking mediocrity of the modern era and shall continue to feel this way when the results come out tomorrow.

Also, I bumped into my ex-teacher at the carpark before the auditions and told him that I have finally earned a distinction for physics. Like many of my teachers, he's absconded to greener pastures such as the girls' school nearby. Well I was really glad to see a familiar face in the midst of dreadful uncertainty. And at least the teacher-in-charge remembered me from the last time.

But somehow, while wandering through the corridors, I had second-thoughts about applying once more. Perhaps it was the continual clashing of Chinese cymbals and the raging pulse of drums from what sounded like a lion dance troupe that added to my gradual sense of displacement upon entering crimson-coloured gates. Maybe it's the lack of seniors who apply for the jc that gives rise to this pervading sense of alienation, and it seems as if the degrees of separation between Kevin Bacon and I are smaller than that of the seemingly random faces I see.

Sometimes I wish I could see His will for me etched out more clearly. I wish I could be more thankful for my results but honestly I find myself not knowing where to head to or feel a sense of belonging in.