I have started checking my email on a close-to-hourly basis, done blog searches close to the brink of madness, and taken regular glances at the daily mail pile, but Disappointment laughs scoffingly back at me. It's as if the entire process of painstakingly compiling, tweaking, photocopying and submitting my application had never existed at all, and time and space chose to forget it by slowly, but surely, enveloping the cosmos to hide it in a distant reality.
I am almost longing to feel cold-feet and other happy dilemmas, but the sound of the telephone ringing or the noticing of at least one meaningful email are perhaps mere mirages in hazy daydreams while slogging about with worksheets and textbooks. I can hear laughter and feel smiles, but I miss serenity and the feeling of having a huge burden lifted off weary and tired shoulders that are on the verge of giving up.
But hey, it's not the end of the world if I don't get in. I'll just take another route and whatever that comes my way will be a blessing as well. It's just the waiting that's killing me.
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