Big IFs meme
1. If I were a jellyfish, I would enjoy...
Zapping the stupidity out of Spongebob and Patrick at the jellyfish fields.
2. If I were an enzyme, I would be...
ptyalin, for no reason whatsoever. Or rather because I want to pay homage to this enzyme that everyone calls by a different name now because it might have been difficult for the kids to grasp the concept of a silent 'p'. Poor ptyalin.
4. If the only food left on the planet were pink radioactive turnips, I would pair them with...
a pink radioactive milkshake.
5. If I meet my Geography teacher wearing a hideous pant suit along the passageways of Ngee Ann City, the expression I would wear would be one of...
amusement but also amnesia
6. If I had to eat nothing but stale guacamole for the rest of my life...
I would sculpt them into the strange but wonderful coral reef formations of the Belize Barrier Reef and bake fish-shaped taco shells.
7. If I had to wear a hideous flannel shirt to the esplanade, my shoes would be...
a bright shade of yellow to match the flannel shirt's charming but precocious personality.
8. If an angsty mob of stressed P6 kiddies decided to burn me at the stake, I would like them to...
sing 100,000,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall. With atonal harmonics and cutesy actions for every word.
9. If I ended up sitting next to an unhappy fashionista about to bitch-slap me on the train...
I would throw my Sprite at her stupid Gucci handbag.
10. If I ended up sitting next to the school's resident faggot on for the rest of the term, I'd might as well...
read up more on homosexuality and gay politics. As well as arm myself with a mace.
11. If I was an A Maths teacher about to spring a surprise test on my class, I would, with a devilish glint, insert...
Binomal theorem, differentiation and integration, and I'll pop in the Poincaré Conjuncture just for fun.
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