Daniel Johnston - Some Things Last a Long Time.

I am so addicted to this song. I fear it might be stuck on "replay" in my head during tomorrow's papers.
The fragility! The anguish! The meditations of permanence and impermanence!
Anyway, Daniel Johnston suffers from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder; outsider-folk is so cool.

Day 9 of Prelim Exams

Physics paper 1 was alright, though I still have time-management issues to sort out.
Bio and chem MCQ sections tomorrow! I'm looking forward more to bio. Chem is dull.


Ruin My Life from Craig Shimala on Vimeo.

And anyhow, I think this video is really cool. It's from a promo for Threadless. Everything is reversed and it's really fun to watch the polaroid de-develop at the side! It. Is. So. Awesome.

Day 8 of Prelim Exams

I was free the entire day to do some major cleaning up in preparation for my sister's host-buddy, who will be arriving in approximately 2 hours' time.

Anyway, I was mildly pissed when I noticed the clock when I woke up. It was 10 am! 3 potentially productive hours had already passed as I slumbered. I can never wake up before 10 am on an off day.

I was planning to bake chocolate fondants today, because I have been craving chocolate the entire week. But far more important than that, I had once sworn to learn how to bake moist chocolate cakes after That Cake Shop Near The 88 Bus Stop (name never quite remembered) closed down! And for a spectacle shop too! There are too many spectacle shops around!




The first one I tried turned out very nice and even. I was shaking with joy. (well kinda)


But to my dismay, which later descended into horror, the insides weren't soft enough!! I had overcooked it!! (But it made for a really good chocolate cake!)


I sampled one from the second batch, where I watched the oven with as much paranoia and anxiety as a broker observing stock market fluctuations. This batch turned out more molten on the inside, and the chocolate lava was ensconced in this really moist, rich cake.


And when I cut into it, all the chocolate flowed out! Sadly, this was only the case for about 4 of the 12 timbales that were baked. I think it would have worked better had I actually had proper ramekins to work with, rather than cupcake moulds. But I guess I'm pretty stoked that I can make chocolate fondant! Nigella Lawson, eat your heart out!!

Day 7 of Prelim Exams

Literature was fun! The essay questions were rather predictable. And Dominic in all his prescience has once again prophesied that something about setting would come out... and it did! Oh, and I managed to spam my paper with quotes. But wisely done and crafted, of course.

There was only one paper in the morning today, so I went down to People's Park Complex after that to get my back checked. (A church friend practices TCM there, though it also says alternative medicine on the window.) OK. It was agonising because the back massage-thing (that was not quite a massage because it was only applied to one target area) was really ticklish in a painful way, and it was when I was lying down and my back was pressed and kneaded and twisted to one side that there came a popping sound from my upper vertebrae. So I'm feeling somewhat better now, and I'm thankful that it doesn't require invasive surgery and alien implants.

This may sound random but it totally is not: I really really really want to go to Alaska! I read the article about in today's papers and they got to see the totally wicked cool Northern Lights!

And after the whole treatment, I walked to city hall to take the MRT home, but not before trying out this new French dessert place in citylink mall. It's called Marvelous Cream, and I felt transported back to Tokyo and facing its enticing array of sweet shops once more.

There was a smorgasbord of parfait choices that the counter staff will assemble in front of you. I tried the macaron framboise, which has raspberry macaroons in vanilla ice cream with fresh cream, and the counter staff immediately began assembling my parfait. They have a very well-chilled metal surface where they lay a scoop of ice cream on. Then, as if the ice cream was as malleable as a dough or clay, she pressed the convex part of a spoon on the mound, which flatted it out a little. (During this time, I began to suspect that she might have just as well been one of those androids I see serving people on Japanese TV because she gave a brief introduction before each part of the apparently complex process but they sounded like instructions she was belting out to herself. Anyway;)

"I am now scooping the ice cream," declares the counter staff. She scoops the ice cream.
I was rather taken-aback by what she said, because it felt so random and out-of-place. I didn't get it the first time, so she had to repeat herself once more.
"I am now scooping the ice cream." A silence follows. I decide to nod appreciatively after every sentence she says.

"I am now pressing down on the ice cream." She presses down on the ice cream.
"I am now scooping berries on the ice cream." She scoops berries on the ice cream.

"I will now place a macaroon shell on top of the berries." At this juncture, I cringe inside, because I hate to see perfectly-good macaroon shells being crushed. I think she notices a facial twitch and hence, drops a pink shell which rolls down the counter. She picks up another shell, with slight embarrassment. She crushes it, shattering the delicate shells into tinier shards.

"I am now putting fresh cream." She sounds rather proud and triumphant as she says this, and smears on a glob of whipped cream. "Fresh" cream sounds so much nicer than "whipped", I think.

"I am now folding it into a parfait." The entire thing is folded with a spatula, and I watch in silent horror as everything melded together, offering only hints that there was whipped cream somewhere in the chaotic swirls of strawberries and a lonely raspberry macaroon, smashed and thus desecrated.

"Your parfait is done." She scrapes the entire thing into a plastic cup bearing a plastic spoon and I took a moment of silence to contemplate my shock over the $4.90 price of a lone scoop of ice cream with a single macaroon shell with a smidgin of cream and some berries.



Huh. But it tasted all right. Somewhat refreshing, but it dawned on me then that I hated berries.

And later on, my mum told me to come "look at something". Normally this would mean I have cleaning up/hard labour to do, but she appeared to be wildly gesticulating at the window, from where I was seated. I had thought, at first, that there was a UFO hovering right outside the window and she wanted to me to do something about it. Like take a broom to shoo it away or something.

But it didn't result in drama. There was a bird that seemed to want to come in through the window. It was really cute, but gosh it refused to go away.


So it lingered around, and I looked it up on the internet and concluded that it was *some* sort of warbler.




And I'm free tomorrow! And the student my sister is hosting for the bicultural immersion trip will be arriving tomorrow! And there's nothing left in prelims but MCQs! *\O/*

our hour (and a half) of MND-reckoning draws on apace!

< RANDOM QUOTING >
HOW SLOW THIS OLD MOON WANES! I WOOED THEE WITH MY SWORD! FULL OF VEXATION COME I! KNACKS! TRIFLES! NOSEGAYS! SWEETMEATS! MESSENGERS OF STRONG PREVAILMENT IN UNHARDENED YOUTH! I BEG THE ANCIENT PRIVILEGE OF ATHENS! IT STANDS AS AN EDICT IN DESTINY! THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH! MY SOUL CONSENTS NOT TO GIVE SOVEREIGNTY! CALL YOU ME FAIR? THAT FAIR AGAIN UNSAY! DEMETRIUS LOVES YOUR FAIR! OH HAPPY FAIR! THOUGH SPEAKEST ARIGHT! I AM THAT MERRY WANDERER OF THE NIGHT! LOVE LOOKS NOT WITH THE EYES BUT WITH THE MIND! LOVE IS SAID TO BE A CHILD! ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT! LOVE! IN! IDLENESS! I LOVE THEE NOT, THEREFORE PURSUE ME NOT! USE ME BUT AS YOUR SPANIEL! SPURN ME! STRIKE ME! LORD WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE! MY MISTRESS WITH A MONSTER IS IN LOVE! YOU DRAW ME, YOU HARD HEARTED ADAMANT! EVEN AS WE SLEEP, WE DREAM!
< /RANDOM QUOTING >

Day 6 of Prelim Exams

Hey you guys!! Guess what?!

I've got Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction!
Or rather, the hypochondriac in me has decided to self-diagnose the pain in my lumbar area with whatever opinions the internet has to offer. I cannot walk/sit/stand without some degree of varying pain in my lower spine.

In other news, I screwed up the E Maths but I'm happy with Bio paper 2! The terrible pain kept me awake. And, after 2 hours of sitting down, the pain worsened and I ended up writhing in my seat, much to the distraction and annoyance of the person who sat behind me.

So anyway, despite my suffering and shattered dreams etc. etc., I'm sharing with you digital imitations of processed photosensitive black silver gelatin prints of the complex respiratory substrates that I have recently broken down and oxidised! (Pictures of food.)



I happened to be at Plaza Singapura yesterday and discovered that Beard Papa has chocolate fondant! Chocolate fondants are perhaps the most decadent and divine chocolate-centric desserts, along with chocolate fondue and dark chocolate ice cream with chocolate truffles in chocolate sauce. They appear seemingly harmless on the exterior, a mere trifle (pun intended) you may say, but dig deeper and you'll discover a reservoir of rich and smooth molten Valrhona chocolate! You will experience rapture with every luscious mouthful.



However, I did not like the mochi that the stall was selling. (Unless you enjoy chewy, pasty mochi shells that have the texture of old masking tape.)

Day 5 of Prelim Exams

I've returned home, and I noticed that I had an email from Them.

It redirected me to the ISP where I was informed by an electronically-generated message that I did not get in. But it came with best wishes! I am so deeply touched.

Shall invest my time somewhere more worthwhile then.

Oh, yes, and I'm actually kinda doubly disappointed and immensely bummed because of the A maths and physics papers so would really appreciate some form of commiseration right now.

I also want your chocolate. (optional)

Day 4 of Prelim Exams

Am barely surviving!

EL paper 2 was riddled with errors. They did not bold the vocabulary words in passage B. I am not finding this inconsistency resulting in a slight asymmetry in the structure of the passages particularly pleasing! The passages were easy though. They were both about deserts and camels and the wonderful resourceful bushmen who use hollow reeds to draw water out of the ground and then swirl it around in their mouths before sloshing it back in ostrich eggshells for the rest to drink. Uh, gross. (another "oh, those poor mrunas!" moment.)

E. Maths was fairly okay, but I screwed up my time-management and ended up having no time to go back to the questions in front that I skipped! (out of panic) I'm kinda looking forward to the prospect of spending time at mathematics boot camp after prelims.

Funny: the moment I put down my pen, I was told to leave the hall "IMMEDIATELY NOW AT ONCE", because I was supposed to support Cheekit in the pesa finals. I packed up all my stuff and in a daze, I trudged along the matrix-like tables and felt the entire level glueing their eyes on me and wondering why I could leave so early. As if I cheated or something. And I went down and we left for YMCA, and barely 10 minutes after scribbling my last answer on the answer sheets, I was on the CTE (I think) headed towards Town. (Why do people refer to this area as "Town"? It is redolent of brick townhouses with marble cladding and men in bowler hats and suitcases walking about briskly etc. but it is never the case.)

Anyway, Cheekit ranked third in the finals! It's a pretty big deal because we've never entered top 3 before. Hooray! \:D/
And impromptu round is so much more interesting to watch than the prepared rounds. Prepared speeches sound as if they were rehearsed to death, with every consonant enunciated—spat out, more like—and every gesture so meticulously controlled they became so contrived. The impromptu round was far more exciting.

I hate the papers tomorrow. My two worst-performing subjects, A Maths and Physics, have come back to taunt me like a pair of evil little children intent of bringing me to ruin. Hence, I shall have plenty of chocolate on standby, increasing the amount of glucose in my bloodstream, hence supplying more energy to my brain! (As well as all that about insulin from my pancreas that stores the excess glucose as glycogen in my liver cells blah blah blah it's not bio yet.)

And still no call yet! My anticipation is cooling down.

Day 3 of Prelim Exams

Ode to Suburbia
BY EAVAN BOLAND

Six o'clock: the kitchen bulbs which blister
Your dark, your housewives starting to nose
Out each other's day, the claustrophobia
Of your back gardens varicose
With shrubs, make an ugly sister
Of you suburbia.

How long ago did the glass in your windows subtly
Silver into mirrors which again
And again show the same woman
Shriek at a child? Which multiply
A dish, a brush, ash,
The gape of a fish.

In the kitchen, the gape of a child in the cot?
You swelled so that when you tried
The silver slipper on your foot
It pinched your instep and the common
Hurt which touched you made
You human.

No creature of the streets will feel the touch
Of a wand turning the wet sinews
Of fruit suddenly to a coach,
While this rat without leather reins
Or a whip or britches continues
Sliming your drains.

No magic here. Yet you encroach until
The shy countryside, fooled
By your plainness falls, then rises
From your bed changed, schooled
Forever by your skill,
Your compromises.

Midnight and your metamorphosis
Is now complete, although the mind
Which spinstered you might still miss
Your mystery now, might still fail
To see your power defined
By this detail.

By this creature drowsing now in every house—
The same lion who tore stripes
Once off zebras. Who now sleeps,
Small beside the coals. And may,
On a red letter day,
Catch a mouse.

This was what came out for unseen poetry. And is it just me or are the allusions made to Cinderella rather clear? Anyway, I wrote about the suppression of individual freedoms for the sake of posterity and conformity etc. Did not have the time to even skim through unseen prose but I heard that it was a pleasant read.

Chemistry was alright, but I don't want to settle for just mediocrity anymore!

Also, I called Them.
They picked up on the first ring. "Goodafternoonhwachonginstituitioncollegesection,"
"I'm calling to inquire about the DSA results—" I had managed to say, but was cut-off by the voice of a female receptionist who sounded like the efficient, though curt and unfriendly, types that were only mildly uppity and wore armani exchange cardigans to work and received invitations to the mango sale preview in their mailboxes but usually ignored them for fear of appearing like an ageing sheep in a funky, trend-following lamb's clothing.
"TheresultsoftheDSAarenotoutyetbutsuccessfulapplicantswillreceiveacallthisweek," she recites, as if receiving another one of the 20,000 or so DSA calls that come flooding in every hour. On the other end of the line, I thought I heard her pause for a split-second to catch her breath. "Unsuccessfulapplicantswillreceiveacallnextweek."
I am amazed at this semblance to those automated teller machines that I have so often seen incurring the ire of frustrated adults. "Alright, thank you," I say. But before I had a chance to enunciate the final phoneme that was dripping with my utmost gratitude and sincerest appreciation, I heard a click on the other line.

And it still resounds in my mind as I sit here wondering what cookie I will bake next. Will rosemary-thyme cookies work? Or maybe I should bake the butter cookies that I first made for some home econs test a gajillion years ago. Or lemon Milanese biscotti. Hmmm. Will consider running away to Paris as an eccentric but talented baker as a possible reality in the future.

EL paper 2 and E maths tomorrow! \:D/

Day 2 of Prelim Exams

There is this guy I used to be really close to.
Now he really sickens me!

Anyway, I was so not mentally prepared for A Maths Paper 2. I can't seem to concentrate on maths in the morning, and seeing the first question caused my heart to skip a beat, where painful recollections of terrible exam papers and the nervous quaking associated with it came screaming back to me in my head. And I made many, many, many stupidly careless mistakes and now I'd be glad if I could just scrape through the thing.

Gah. I'll work harder for the next paper!

History was kinda boring. SEQ was mediocre only, but SBQ was a little above satisfactory. Once again, I scribbled in a last phrase right when the examiner announced that time was up, and told us calmly to "put your pens down, I said put your pens down now".

Lit. Paper 1 tomorrow, how very very exciting.
Chemistry Paper 2 also tomorrow. Topics I dread: electrolysis, qualitative analysis, and all the lame-o industrial processes that I will probably forget the moment I turn 17.

and strength through joy

What's new? Nothing much, just watching a drama unfold in front of my eyes, and geez, I haven't received THAT call yet. I receive calls from people asking me about exam topics, from people heralding supremely bad and upsetting news, from my grandmother's friend (whom I presume sits in a rocking chair with frizzy and tightly permed hair with ears glued to an old bakelite phone), and the occasional telemarketer with the desperate HDB-buyer. But no. No call. And the offers have to be confirmed starting tomorrow.

Or maybe it's not meant to be and yeah I guess I'm pretty cool with that because I am entirely hating the fishy smell of elitism.

(But my fingers are tightly crossed for unconditional offers with the person on the line going "oh please please please join us you are our most prized asset oh you highly talented and capable individual with your acerbic wit and intellect etc. etc." and I will be like "no thanks I'm not gonna sell out right now after 4 weeks of waiting" before slamming the phone, and I will realise that this is, obviously, a dream and I'll start feeling foolish and silly for the entire morning".)

Btw, I'm bringing cookies tomorrow and cookies, unfortunately, do not have the capacity to walk over to you, let alone pry open the tupperware lid ;) Well, I've tried my best. And they're growing staler by the day.

(edit - freaking out because I thought there was E Maths tomorrow BUT I WAS WRONG IT'S A MATHS. PAPER 2. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW KTHX.)

the beauty of labour

(Tragically, globalisation did not come out as an examination topic.)



Smoked salmon on garlic cracker! My favourite kind of picnic food. The scruffy and yappy terrier behind was eyeing me, in a not-so-pleasant way.





Photos of meringues:




The meringues came out beautifully browned and caramelised ever so slightly (read: a little burnt). Just one egg white managed to produce around 10 of these! Plus, I made them on a rainy, humid day, and everyone who writes about meringues advise against making them on a rainy, humid day.

I was pleased to have them turn out so nicely, despite (i) accidently pressing the microwave function, which incurred the immediate berating of my bystander grandmother who shook a damning finger at the oven, expecting the meringues to turn out miserable and wretched (I haven't been too fond of her prescience, which isn't exactly well-known anyway), and (ii) making them on a rainy, humid day, which apparently was the source of all meringue failures of rainy, humid days past.

It's funny how baking successes always come when there's no fundraising/festive-gifting left to do.

Day 1 of Prelim Exams

- I'm happy with Paper 1! I'm just super ultra irked that I forgot to write in the title for the report. But other than that, I'm happy that descriptive writing came out. No more boring old exposition writing!



- This cartoon came out as one of the sources for Social Studies. (Humans. dept. changed the text in the bubble to "you've got to be kidding?!" Go figure.) I found it here. I accidently snorted somewhat loudly when I flipped the pages and saw that.

Made meringues with leftover egg whites, and they are really good. Will post pictures once I'm done with revision.

Day 0 of Prelim Exams

I spent the morning and early afternoon in church, then attending a band concert that Esther was performing in at the botanic gardens. Picnicking and studying are an erstwhile bizarre pair of activities that are becoming rather complementary to each other now. Will post photos soon!

I'll be taking EL Paper 1 and SS tomorrow! I noticed the new Bakerzin outlet that had opened in Takashimaya's food hall and I bought two macarons that I'll be relishing tomorrow after my papers. I am, however, getting a little tired of macarons.

I hope descriptive writing will come out as one of the EL paper 1 questions tomorrow. After repeated emphases on expository writing that my teacher had been doggedly forcing upon us, I have, sadly, acquired a strong distaste for rigid structures and the unimaginative ways to write essays.

Blah, blah and blah. Am so excited, yet so uncertain.

Big, Fat, Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

At least I don't have to go through a bureaucratic process to make cookies. I found a recipe for these some time back, and I thought that it sounded pretty easy to follow. I mean, how difficult could making chocolate chip cookies get?




(I still had some cookie dough left over so I saved them for a bad day.)

These cookies are really huge. They are slightly bigger than the size of my palm, and you can slice it into individual sections, like a pizza, or a cake. It's really cute. I had a small portion with some earl grey tea and I dare say it was the most scrumptious thing I've ever eaten in the entire year. When I bit into it, it was like, dang this is really good, because there was so much chocolate in every mouthful, and the centre of the cookie was so moist and chewy, it was reminiscent of the kinds we used to buy at Subway. I used muscovado sugar and I think it upped the sweetness by a notch.

(Grown-ups, however, would often fail to understand the meaning of a chewy cookie. All the adults above the half-century mark in my household remarked that it wasn't crispy anymore. Uh, yeah. Because it was never meant to be and you didn't listen to my introduction the first time round.)

Anyway, it's really so so good. I'm going to use these as bribes. (Evil)

Linear notes

I'm still waiting for my call/letter/email.

Even though it'll probably amount to rejection, I am still desperate for a response. I guess I have been dissed by a college that came over and convicted me of my choice by talking about how accepting everyone is and how it's going to be so great and stimulating in KI and everything blah blah.

Having said that, I'm not particularly upset over not getting in. It's more of disappointment and mild irritation, after all the time wasted compiling records and getting every single photocopy stamped and certified, not to mention looking through countless documents and innumerable web pages, and getting so foolishly hyped up about the entire process.

(Oh, who am I kidding. I'm upset because I had assumed that the results would at least be released latest by this week and the wait is killing me.)

I have also not blogged anything about the results of the SLB exco election. I am actually pleased! Democracy has worked! We might just compare the new P to be the Gorbachev of our day and age. I was getting a little tired of the previous utopian socialist ideals, really. I wonder how things will unfold, especially when dealing with a demographic that would be a little more than challenging to control now.


I have a new favourite band. Rocketship came from the mid-nineties, so it's not easy to procure their albums which are mostly out of print now. Sometimes, they sound like hammond organs on an acid trip, only a little more self-conscious and self-disparaging at times without it sounding overtly contrived. Yet there is a certain emotional robustness in their richly-textured songs that juxtapose the simple melody lines. I am so loving this band.

Education. Studies. "Your Future".

I haven't been doing anything remotely fulfilling, but pouring over random information that has been categorised and compartmentalised to death, devoting every module of life to excess worrying and becoming overwhelmed by guilt when time is spent not studying. I am no longer allowed to lead a life out of school.

Can't people study for the sole purpose of the acquisition of knowledge? Can't we please be myopic for *once* and forget about what is to come in the future, of employment opportunities and other socioeconomic consequences? Isn't there a way to break free from becoming another faceless product of society?

The reason why I preferred studying in sec 1 and 2 was because I didn't look at the piles of textbooks and notes and go, "well, so there's more stuff to regurgitate, and I feel so bad I'm not reading them now". We could explore concepts with open minds! We didn't have to ask whether it was in our syllabus, and whether we should still bother with it if it wasn't going to be in the O levels. We dared to prod and stumble in the process then; yet presently everyone views getting hurt as a confidence-bruiser that will likely cost you a pleasant L1R5 aggregate.

And yes, I am aware of the fact that we live in a globalised world, where everything is interconnected and it's that truly sickeningly proverbial "dog-eat-dog world", etc., but I've yet to eat all that shit up. Will end diatribe here.

Anyway, today's MT LC was not as ideal as I would have liked it to have been. There were few straightforward questions and most required some inferencing and common sense (which we usually lose in the course of worrying about the answer, which is, omg, worth 2 marks).

However, what really took the cake was the invigilator who kept adjusting his digital wristwatch throughout the entire thing. Considering the fact that he cared more about chronological accuracy than his invigilation responsibilities and, duh, the importance of silence in the LC exam, the entire audacity of this action in a national examination was more astounding than the frustrating distraction it had caused.

Now that that's off my chest, and that I have partaken in a fair dose of catharsis, I shall now deign to return to—sigh—my A maths practice paper.

nataliedee.com

No one's blogging much lately. Yawn.

On the Literature Festival:

Lit fest was alright. 3 out of the 4 teams we sent in, comprising 2 teams each from the sec 3s and sec 4s, won their debates! And sec 4 unseen and sec 4 MND debates won both rounds. Yay us! (Dominic, Christabel, Valerie, Debbie, Jeremy, David, Mingting and I!) For the amount of effort that we put in prepping at some random playground near amk hub, the returns were exponentially greater than our expectations! Plus, I really enjoyed watching and being part of debates again, despite a few technical hiccups that were inevitable if there were going to be 40 debates held concurrently with the poetry slam and book trailer competitions going on and whatnot.

We couldn't help but notice the number of schools that left the hall before the entire event officially ended.

Dom, Bel, Val and I traipsed down Tanglin Road to look for Ikea, where we were planning to have lunch. Thank goodness for Dom and his investments in his up-to-date street directory and bus guide; we were able to navigate our way there without losing ourselves in a scary, unfamiliar neighbourhood! I had a salmon salad and the daim cake, while the others had poached salmon with potatoes and greens. We were not surprised to find ourselves smack in the epicentre of a tantrum-hit section of the Ikea cafeteria, with brats in OshKosh and the like wailing over their ironically cheery technicolour eating utensils. As if rendered stupefied by the visual assault of signs that sprouted out like weed clusters that burst out uncontrollably, enthusing about the benefits of economies-of-scale, alongside neon tinted wall decals and playroom equipment, I realised that their eyes were squeezed tight all the time, as if frightened by the constant feeling of disorientation. We could attest to that, since navigating our way through the labyrinthian path to the cafeteria, with the perpetual smell of Swedish meatballs that emanated from the cafe our only guide, was an experience Kafkaesque enough to muddle up our senses.

The worst was yet to come, unfortunately. We also had the misfortune/pleasure of having our meal next to two women who were having a "bitchin' good time". Both of them, probably BFFs, had a very loud conversation that made eavesdropping unavoidable. By the end of our meal, we had already known their vacation plans, the names of their ex-boyfriends, previous schools and current university, a funny thing that happened to them at a recent chalet, and what they thought of the squealing kids around. I was so engrossed in their little gabfest that I nearly said goodbye to them when we left.

On my sister's usurping of my bags:

Recently, my dad bought some calvin klein thing and it came with a free gift. It was a very roomy man-bag from calvin klein. (I am usually the benefactor of the free gifts that come with my father's purchases.) Esther, on the other hand, spied it airing in our room and forgot all about the cool grey nike bag that my parents bought for her on the same day. It will make a good bag for my trip to Malaysia, proclaims she. At that precise moment, I recalled her saying a similar thing about the other free-gift bag that I got. And let's not even get to the bag I bought last year in Tokyo that she now uses on weekends, shall we?
(Esther!! You should go bag shopping one day.)

On funny dreams I had recently:

I had a very vivid dream about Zizhao coming back from China, and Weihui, Yuying and I met her for lunch at a Korean BBQ-steamboat buffet place. I could even taste the spicy kimchi-accented soup base for the steamboat!

I had a surreal nightmare today. I was wandering around in a deserted multi-story building reminiscent of the ones vacated after the Chernobyl disaster. Then there was a giant scrapbook with cool vintage clippings that I browsed through on the field, and beside it, a warehouse that I dared not enter, that for some unfathomable reason appeared to watch over my every move. Later on, I faced an open sea that featured a submerged overhead bridge leading to the horizon. As I waded through the water, someone screamed and I saw a huge blue fish darting towards my ankles. (I forgot the rest, but now, on hindsight, there were so many types of fear in my dream I could analyse the relevance of it like a lit essay.)

Other stuff worth mentioning:

- Cheekit entered the finals of PESA! I'm really happy for him, but rather worried at the same time as it falls on one of the prelim papers and the competition's getting tougher.
- I feel like slapping parents who booed "bionic boy". (And isn't terrible enough that he's been labelled that by the media? Why aren't those letters to the forum pouring in yet? And I hate how everything alliterates itself so cruelly.)
- Cadbury's Crème Brûlée chocolate is really good. Really.
- I went to Shokudo for lunch today. It felt like Disneyland.
- Graniph tees are cool.
- Chinese LC's on Tuesday.
- Organic Chem test is tomorrow.
- IT'S RAINING! VERY HEAVILY!
- I shall go sleep now. :) yay.

Three things

I.

Lit fest is this Saturday and the MND debate team isn't ready yet and I am so doomed and frustrated and bordering on vengeful and homicidal. (Again.) At least unseen poetry's preparing now! And oh how I adore unseen poetry.
However, I'm starting to feel that sending aging sec 4s instead of the sec 3s is all rather meaningless. I think the sec 3s would really benefit from such exposure.

II.


I want to watch Black Orpheus.

III.

I'm actually starting to — gasp — like physics! It is a complicated feeling.

i so love puffed corn

A Supermarket in California

What thoughts I have of you tonight, Walt Whitman, for
I walked down the sidestreets under the trees with a headache
self-conscious looking at the full moon.
In my hungry fatigue, and shopping for images, I went
into the neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of your enumerations!
What peaches and what penumbras! Whole families
shopping at night! Aisles full of husbands! Wives in the
avocados, babies in the tomatoes!--and you, Garcia Lorca, what
were you doing down by the watermelons?

I saw you, Walt Whitman, childless, lonely old grubber,
poking among the meats in the refrigerator and eyeing the grocery
boys.
I heard you asking questions of each: Who killed the
pork chops? What price bananas? Are you my Angel?
I wandered in and out of the brilliant stacks of cans
following you, and followed in my imagination by the store
detective.
We strode down the open corridors together in our
solitary fancy tasting artichokes, possessing every frozen
delicacy, and never passing the cashier.

Where are we going, Walt Whitman? The doors close in
an hour. Which way does your beard point tonight?
(I touch your book and dream of our odyssey in the
supermarket and feel absurd.)
Will we walk all night through solitary streets? The
trees add shade to shade, lights out in the houses, we'll both be
lonely.

Will we stroll dreaming of the lost America of love
past blue automobiles in driveways, home to our silent cottage?
Ah, dear father, graybeard, lonely old courage-teacher,
what America did you have when Charon quit poling his ferry and
you got out on a smoking bank and stood watching the boat
disappear on the black waters of Lethe?

Allen Ginsberg

We did unseen poetry for literature today! (And for 3 hours straight, at that.) Unseen poetry is inarguably my favourite section in the entire literature paper. MND is a pain to read, TKAM is depressing and causes me to descend into melancholia, and unseen prose rarely piques my interest with its large chunks of paragraphing.

But unseen poetry — oh! I could sing the praises of unseen poetry and the vast unnumbered vistas it has for us to explore and analyse! The layers of meaning are almost exhilarating to peel off, and my pen occasionally trembles with delight to expound on all the nuances and the varied meanings throughout the text!

Anyway, we covered a teeny bit of beat poetry today and talked a little about the beat generation of poets and I really enjoyed this brief departure from the usual monotony of the curriculum. Besides, the romanticism and liberation of that era is, for lack of a better word, totally boss. I admire them for their vision and free-spiritedness, and although I am not totally anti-establishment, I find their sparkling insouciance and the entire idea of being the vanguard for an entire new literary form just. so. cool.

of the people who want responses

I have started checking my email on a close-to-hourly basis, done blog searches close to the brink of madness, and taken regular glances at the daily mail pile, but Disappointment laughs scoffingly back at me. It's as if the entire process of painstakingly compiling, tweaking, photocopying and submitting my application had never existed at all, and time and space chose to forget it by slowly, but surely, enveloping the cosmos to hide it in a distant reality.

I am almost longing to feel cold-feet and other happy dilemmas, but the sound of the telephone ringing or the noticing of at least one meaningful email are perhaps mere mirages in hazy daydreams while slogging about with worksheets and textbooks. I can hear laughter and feel smiles, but I miss serenity and the feeling of having a huge burden lifted off weary and tired shoulders that are on the verge of giving up.

But hey, it's not the end of the world if I don't get in. I'll just take another route and whatever that comes my way will be a blessing as well. It's just the waiting that's killing me.